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about

The first time I played this song live, I cried right there on stage while singing it. It caught me off guard, as it wasn't until I started singing the song that I realised that the wound was still open, still fresh. This song arose from my depths at a moment of devestation. It was just after a man that I care about lost all that he was working for, his dream, his passion and his purpose, due to a person that he made the mistake of trusting. It is still hard for me to truly grasp why it affected me personally so much, but after many sleepness nights and fits of sobbing, I realised that the trauma was induced by the sudden disappearance of my ability to forgive. Suddenly, my entire foundation of understanding and compassion was shattered. The methods I had been using to get over past issues throughout my life were... void... I had no tools. No way to deal with the pain. I couldn't understand how this person could intentionally hurt, how he could seem to even thrive on it. And so, without being able to understand, I couldn't forgive. After I wrote the song, I realised quickly afterwards that the "you" in the lyrics was in fact me. It sounds a little strange, but the song is a dialogue my subconscious must have been having with myself before I really realised what the root of the hurt was.

Originally I did a demo of this song in my studio with all of its accompaniment in about 3 hours, then 2 years later I handed it over to John. He really connected with it and didn't want to change anything. So he just got me to re-sing the vocals, he rerecorded the guitar and added some bass, then he mixed it in just such a way that all the emotion seemed to come right to the surface. I was blown away by what he was able to do. Even though so little changed, I really feel this song is on a whole new plain of existence now.

lyrics

You tell me that
love's all around
and though some resist it
their path is still found
and life is what
we make it to be
and no one can hurt us
as long as we're free.

But you left out
the pain and the tears,
the people who hate
and prey on your fears.
You didn't mention
the most hurtful part
that some people thrive
on the despair in your heart.

You tell me that
others may fight,
that it's up to me
not to lose sight.
You tell me that
good always wins,
that when you're armed with love
you will stay strong within.

But you left out
the struggle to care,
that the strength i must search for
is so very rare
and no matter how much
I do my part,
someone will thrive on
the despair in my heart.

credits

from Songs of utter despair, guilt, empathy, lust, longing and​/​or hope, track released September 1, 2011
Vocals, Piano, Synth and Pads, Synth Percussion: Dana-Marie Battaglia
Acoustic Guitar, Bass: John Ellis

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Dana-Marie Battaglia Vancouver, British Columbia

After travelling in and out of her vulnerable, passionate melodies and charming toe tapping grooves, you’ll understand what the phrase ‘emotional rollercoaster’ really means. With her sweet, energetic presence, captivating voice, and deeply honest expression, Dana-Marie Battaglia will rip your heart out and gently sew it back in. ... more

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